March 13th, 2012

so last year on this exact day I wrote this post.  Well at the time I was just a few weeks pregnant, hadn't told ANYONE yet!

And in the beginning of my pregnancy I was (might be TMI) but spotting, I thought at first I was having a miscarriage.  It was terrifying.  Literally.  I prayed every single day that god would not take away the gift that he had given us, and that me and the husband wanted so desperately.

the gift that I had prayed for every single week in church.  I longed to have a baby.  longed to be a mother, and every day that I was having problems I was so scared that it would be taken away from me in an instant.

while I was at work I started spotting more then normal, and had a meltdown.  so i had to tell my NEW boss (I literally found out I was pregnant ONE day after I started my job) that I thought I was having a miscarriage, and didn't have insurance.  It was literally the worst day of my life, I was so scared.  Shaking I headed to a woman's clinic and they told me that there was nothing they could do because being that early in your pregnancy you can't do anything...if you are going to have a miscarriage, there is nothing we can do about it.  (never felt so helpless in my life) but they told me to come back in two weeks to meet with a real doctor and to go to the hospital if the spotting got worse and was gushing.

I went to check out prenatal pills in tow, and they said okay, your appt is in two weeks on March 13th :)  Right away I got a good feeling, because I knew that, that was my gpa's bday and he would be watching out for us that day!

I still had spotting but, I continued to pray that god keep this child inside me safe.  Besides during my grandpa's time in the hospital, I don't think that I have EVER prayed so much in my whole life.

March 13th came, and I went to my appt. they had told me it would just be a routine exam and it was at 2 pm, so I didn't bring the husband with me, but when I go there the doctor, (I guess he could feel my nervousness) said, well if you want, you can come to my office later today and get an ultrasound to see what's actually going on with the baby, if we see a heartbeat then you're good, if not well we'll talk about that if we need to.  then he said, only if you want.

I didn't even have to think about it.  I immediately told him YES!  And scheduled an appt with him.  I left the doctors and went back to work.  I think my appt was like 2 hours later, and literally the entire two hours I looked at the clock waiting for it to be time, so I could see my peanut.

It was finally time to go and I went to the doctor and he did an ultrasound.  I don't think i've ever had as sweaty palms as I did that day.  I laid there thinking the worst but praying for the best, praying to my gpa to watch over us.

and the doctor said..."okay there it is.  you're about nine/ten weeks pregnant" huh?  really?  I looked at the screen (because I had been to scared to look before) and there was the BLOB.  He said theres the heartbeat and I could see the tiniest itiest bitiest flicker, and he said "let me see hold on" and he started playing my babies heartbeat!!!  He said "okay everything sounds really good. take care of yourself and if you have any severe bleeding head to emergency" he handed me a picture.

So, when I wrote the entire post about my gpas bday one year ago today, it was because I KNEW that day that my gpa was watching over me and carter that day.  It was as if he was saying, don't worry mija I got this, I'm not going to let anything happen to this baby.  I can't even begin to explain the sense of calmness that I felt that day, because it was incredible.  When I got in the elevator that day and was telling the husband all about the baby my eyes would not stop crying, I was so happy.  I remember distinctly telling him over and over again we don't have to worry anymore babe, my grandpa is going to take care of our baby.

we don't need to worry anymore.
it was amazing.
and now a year later, my eyes still tear up thinking about that day.

I was so happy, and looking at Carter sleep and think that a year ago I was worried for him, and a year ago today I was actually able to see his tiny little heart beat and today I get to hear him laugh, and see him roll all over our floor.

and today, on my grandpa's birthday i could not be more happy.

today on his birthday I could not be more grateful that i have an angel watching over carter in heaven.

Reveille Reveille Grandpa!
well all miss you every single day!

Thank you for continuing to watch over us!  We love you!

Grateful

Tonight, the husband and I were watching old videos of us when we first started dating and as we were watching them it felt like just yesterday that all those things happen, when in reality it's been almost FIVE years since we first started dating...man on man time sure does fly by when you're having fun.

So of course while our baby sleeps and we talk and have remember all the fun things we did while we were dating, I can't help but sit here and think about how truly grateful I am.

Grateful, for all that has happened to me since me and the husband decided to become boyfriend and girlfriend.

Grateful, that he chose me to be his wife, forever and always.

Grateful, that I have truly married my BEST FRIEND, the person that I could talk to about ANYTHING always.  I mean I did just watch a video of me going on and on to him about being pissed because someone (I'm assuming my sister) bought the WRONG kind of doritos and the ones SHE bought weren't ON SALE she paid FULL price, and FOOD 4 LESS ALWAYS has Doritos on sale!  YES that really happened. 

Grateful, that although we aren't in the EXACT life position we would like to be, I mean it WOULD be wonderful if I had a teaching job lined up, OR we owned our OWN house, BUT we are in this life TOGETHER and more in love then I EVEN thought possible.

Grateful, that through our love that came after 7 years of friendship and our 5 years of dating, we have created this perfect human being...this tiny person that neither of us could love anymore.

And grateful, for all that god has given me, I mean I don't mean to brag (okay maybe I'm bragging just a little bit) BUT I truly love my life, and am thankful to god every single day for giving me such an amazing husband to spend such an amazing life with.

Happy Weekend Friends :)  Have a GREAT one! :D

Lucky # 13

So this weekend I was talking to my grandma AND showing her this picture

just the four of us

my cousin had posted it the other day, found it when she was going through her stuff at home.

you see, when we started it was just the FOUR of us, and look @ how cute we were :)  

I mean really super cute!  

(don't pay attention to the fact that NONE of us are looking at the camera) well besides me & the gramps

so it was the four of us for what felt like forever, I guess it really was only five and a 1/2 years or so but when I'm 4 years older then my sister that means that from me to my sister 4 years, there were four of us, and then NOT another grand kid for five and a 1/2 years after that!  So the four of us became SUPER close, especially because even after they had another baby the four of us went to school together still and spent the ENTIRE summer with our grandma! :D  it was the BEST way to grow up by FAR!

all TWELVE of us!

Since we grew up so close being bound by my grandma & grandpa's love I have always been close to my cousins, we don't go a couple of weeks without talking or seeing each other, and you better believe we NEVER miss a birthday party or event without a REALLY REALLY good reason to miss, because we truly look forward to seeing each other and love being around each other.

So, what leads me to LUCKY NUMBER 13, well I have mentioned before on here that I LOVE the number 13 now, it reminds me of my Grandpa and it just makes me happy :)  We picked our wedding date on that day on PURPOSE...and if Carter comes ONE week & ONE day early his bday will be on the 13th, and really my bday is 31 so backwards it's 13 right?  :)  Well I was showing my grandma the picture of just the four of us and I realized that we have grown so much and it's amazing that when we were a tiny family all of us would fit inside her little house no problem!  Actually we felt like it was BIG!  Before my grandpa passed away he added a HUGE den/living room onto their house which made the old living room turn into the dining room and made the new room a HUGE living room!  I can't imagine all of us fitting inside of my grandma's old house it would have been entirely too tiny!  My grandpa knew we were going to be expanding and made sure that we had room to grow in his tiny house :)

Well now I counted, there are EIGHT grand kids now and FOUR great grand kids!  Which equals TWELVE grand kids in total for my grandma and it's amazing that,

Baby Carter will be lucky NUMBER 13 :D 

LOVE LOVE LOVE!

Can't wait for him to join this amazing family and have all 11 cousins to play with and love on him he is going LOVE it as much as I do!

Random Thoughts :l

I've been struggling a lot recently reminding myself to focus on the positive and forget about all that I don't have. I recently read this entry Finding Beauty in the Ordinary: The Day That Forever Changed My Life and it really never seizes to amaze me that I always end up reading blogs or stories when I'm feeling the most discouraged. I read this last Monday when I woke up in a pretty somber mood, and as soon as I read this it reminded me that things will come in time, and although it feels like I've been waiting for a long time, for things in my life to come together, in the end I am positive that my life will be exactly what I want it to be and more. I'm sure of it! :)

I went on a job interview on Thursday, after I had applied to Everest college as (actually I don't even remember because I've applied to wayyyy too many jobs in my life) however, the director of education emailed me telling me that she has a different position then the one I applied that she would like me to apply for, so naturally I said ABSOLUTELY I would like to submitted. She asked me to come in for an interview. I went on Thursday, and at least from what I could tell she loved me, and I'm hoping and praying everyday that she'll call me this week and offer me this position. Even though this position isn't it what I got my degree in, she said there was a lot of room for me to do different things in this school and I'm positive I could thrive (now I have been just sitting thinking about how much I want/need/long for a full time job with benefits and an income and stress?) Okay maybe I can do without the stress part, BUT I have been thinking about how this job would do so much for me and my love and how much we could be living our dreams if I got a full time job :)

So, I have been noticing more and more and MORE that people complain about their lives, I can't do this because of this, OR I wish I had this, or that or I NEED this or that, etc. I follow a lot of celebrities on twitter, namely some teen moms from 1 & 2 and a lot of them complain about the paparazzi, and it REALLY REALLY REALLY DRIVES ME INSANE!!! Although, I'm positive that the paparazzi or whatever people want/need is important it feels like people complain way too much now! MOST people choose to focus on what they DON'T have rather then what they DO! I try so hard not to do this, and sometimes I have to admit that I do, I mean really, who doesnt? Even if for just a few seconds. Hints, why in the first part I talked about how finding that blog was so inspirational! I have noticed more and more the things that people complain about and how much it really bothers me. And then today I came across this article that Khloe Kardashian posted on her twitter, it is EXACTLY what I am talking about!


There was a blind girl that hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, “If I could see the world, I’d marry you”. One day someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend. He asked her, “Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?” The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn’t expected that. The thought of looking at him for the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him. Her boyfriend left her in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying; “Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.”
This is how the human brain often works when our status changes.
Only a very few remember what our life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.
Today before you say an unkind word – Think of someone who cant speak.
Before you complain about the taste of your food -Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
Before you complain about your husband or wife – Think of someone who’s crying out to GOD for a companion.
Today before you complain about life – Think of someone who went too early to heaven.
Before you complain about your children – Think of someone who desires children but they are barren.
Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn’t clean or sweep – Think of the people who are living in the streets.
Before whining about the distance you drive -Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.
And when you are tired and complain about your job – Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.
But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another -Remember that not one of us is without sin and we all answer to one MAKER.
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down – put a smile on your face and thank GOD you’re alive!

I am going to continue to try to focus on the positive rather then the negative, and remember that although I don't have everything that I want right now at this very moment I do have plenty of GREAT things in my life to be grateful for!

♥MY AMAZING HUSBAND who I do not give enough credit for, he truly is AMAZING and I am so lucky to have such a hard working wonderful provider, he does everything for us, he is easy going and so much fun to be around, he truly is my BEST friend and I couldn't ask for anyone better to spend the rest of my life with! I LOVE YOU! You are amazing, and I'm glad you chose me to be your wife :)
♥MY funny beasts, that always make me laugh and are a free source of entertainment on a daily basis!
♥my wonderful family who I WOULD NOT trade ANYTHING for! They are the best!

So, while I'm patiently waiting for all of the things in my life to fall into place, I am going to be focused on all of the positive things that I do have :)