March 13th, 2012

so last year on this exact day I wrote this post.  Well at the time I was just a few weeks pregnant, hadn't told ANYONE yet!

And in the beginning of my pregnancy I was (might be TMI) but spotting, I thought at first I was having a miscarriage.  It was terrifying.  Literally.  I prayed every single day that god would not take away the gift that he had given us, and that me and the husband wanted so desperately.

the gift that I had prayed for every single week in church.  I longed to have a baby.  longed to be a mother, and every day that I was having problems I was so scared that it would be taken away from me in an instant.

while I was at work I started spotting more then normal, and had a meltdown.  so i had to tell my NEW boss (I literally found out I was pregnant ONE day after I started my job) that I thought I was having a miscarriage, and didn't have insurance.  It was literally the worst day of my life, I was so scared.  Shaking I headed to a woman's clinic and they told me that there was nothing they could do because being that early in your pregnancy you can't do anything...if you are going to have a miscarriage, there is nothing we can do about it.  (never felt so helpless in my life) but they told me to come back in two weeks to meet with a real doctor and to go to the hospital if the spotting got worse and was gushing.

I went to check out prenatal pills in tow, and they said okay, your appt is in two weeks on March 13th :)  Right away I got a good feeling, because I knew that, that was my gpa's bday and he would be watching out for us that day!

I still had spotting but, I continued to pray that god keep this child inside me safe.  Besides during my grandpa's time in the hospital, I don't think that I have EVER prayed so much in my whole life.

March 13th came, and I went to my appt. they had told me it would just be a routine exam and it was at 2 pm, so I didn't bring the husband with me, but when I go there the doctor, (I guess he could feel my nervousness) said, well if you want, you can come to my office later today and get an ultrasound to see what's actually going on with the baby, if we see a heartbeat then you're good, if not well we'll talk about that if we need to.  then he said, only if you want.

I didn't even have to think about it.  I immediately told him YES!  And scheduled an appt with him.  I left the doctors and went back to work.  I think my appt was like 2 hours later, and literally the entire two hours I looked at the clock waiting for it to be time, so I could see my peanut.

It was finally time to go and I went to the doctor and he did an ultrasound.  I don't think i've ever had as sweaty palms as I did that day.  I laid there thinking the worst but praying for the best, praying to my gpa to watch over us.

and the doctor said..."okay there it is.  you're about nine/ten weeks pregnant" huh?  really?  I looked at the screen (because I had been to scared to look before) and there was the BLOB.  He said theres the heartbeat and I could see the tiniest itiest bitiest flicker, and he said "let me see hold on" and he started playing my babies heartbeat!!!  He said "okay everything sounds really good. take care of yourself and if you have any severe bleeding head to emergency" he handed me a picture.

So, when I wrote the entire post about my gpas bday one year ago today, it was because I KNEW that day that my gpa was watching over me and carter that day.  It was as if he was saying, don't worry mija I got this, I'm not going to let anything happen to this baby.  I can't even begin to explain the sense of calmness that I felt that day, because it was incredible.  When I got in the elevator that day and was telling the husband all about the baby my eyes would not stop crying, I was so happy.  I remember distinctly telling him over and over again we don't have to worry anymore babe, my grandpa is going to take care of our baby.

we don't need to worry anymore.
it was amazing.
and now a year later, my eyes still tear up thinking about that day.

I was so happy, and looking at Carter sleep and think that a year ago I was worried for him, and a year ago today I was actually able to see his tiny little heart beat and today I get to hear him laugh, and see him roll all over our floor.

and today, on my grandpa's birthday i could not be more happy.

today on his birthday I could not be more grateful that i have an angel watching over carter in heaven.

Reveille Reveille Grandpa!
well all miss you every single day!

Thank you for continuing to watch over us!  We love you!